Ever since I was a little child, I’ve always wanted to be…a pretentious painter and live from the welfare state. Jokes aside, but I really did want to become an artist when I was small. Honestly, my five-year old me thought that my scrawled pictures of ten-legged ladybugs with shoes and curly hair were masterpieces. With time, I stopped using crayons and settled for pencils instead. I wouldn’t dare to say that I’m a professional nor that I have a huge talent for it, but rather that I dabble at painting. As I grew older, the paint brushes I bought were used less and less, the canvases remained white and the sketch blocks were carelessly stowed away. Actually, it makes me a little sad that I’ve neglected something I used to spend most of my free time on.
The definition of the ultimate dream job for me has changed various times since childhood. In puberty I wanted to become a fashion designer, later a journalist, then a scene or costume designer and now I am studying translation and interpreting, but am still keeping my hopes up that maybe one marvelous day, I will become a writer and publish my own book.
Obviously, writers are like a dime a dozen and at first glance, the profession does not seem very profitable. Apart from the difficult economical aspect, it is also a very self-chastising job on an emotional level. Chances are that no stranger will ever read your book, because it won’t get printed by anyone. Publishers will throw your manuscript back at you, often without having read through it and critics may tear your beloved novel apart after you managed to publish it with pain and misery. When the opposite happens (which seems unlikely anyway), the critics aren’t doing you a favor either. If someone praises your work to the skies, people will expect the next novel to be twice as good. I have to admit, it’s hard for me to take criticism not personally, especially when it involves something that I created. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a cookie or a ten thousand pages saga – as long as I pour my heart and soul in it, I will always be offended when someone comments harshly on their quality.
I guess the core of the problem lies in the way I address things. Let me explain: when you really like doing something, you will obviously do it frequently and after a lot of practice, you will most likely have become really good at it. You’re the only one who knows how much time you’ve spent on doing this and you are pretty sure about receiving a good result whenever you do it. So when people tell you that you do far better, point at the flaws in the way you do it or tell you how you could improve the end product, you’re probably rather disappointed. That’s why the idea of strangers scrutinizing my work is really daunting.
Still, there is something extremely alluring about the image that adept writers convey to me. You can escape the monotonous routine of daily life by creating your own world. Drafting paragraphs and refining sentences are actually things that I’m overzealous about as long as no one is holding a gun to my head. Naturally, I am second-guessing myself sometimes and having qualms about making the wrong decision. Maybe I’ll sound phony now, but I have a knack for impetuously spilling words onto paper whenever something is on my mind.
If you really want to attain a goal, you have to grit your teeth together and be tenacious as hell. All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.—Walt Disney














